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A vs B... no, A = B!

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 i've been wondering what is my definition of bestfriend. bcs sometimes i think that A deserves to be my bestfriend as A knows everything about me whilst B doesnt somehow but i call A as my soulmate and B as my bestfriend. why? it took me some time to realise the fact that B, thruout our 4 years of friendships ever since the first day we met i'd say, B had been receiving countless of shits from me. I threw tantrums at B, i fought with B for most of the time, i gave B my cold shoulder, i treated B like a piece of trash at times depending on my mood, i demanded a lot of things from B but B never left. B remained patience. B stayed by my side thruout our degree journey and would still reconcile whenever we could. B tried to understand me even when I gave B a hard time. overall i could say that B truly received all the bad sides of me, legit all. but A is also another dear friend of mine. we have known each other since high school which explains it has been a decade, our friendship...
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Exclude 3 things in life.

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it would be very rare for a single day to pass without me feeling disappointed, frustrated. and i blame no one but me myself. when mommy was around i remember telling her "why are you doing all these by yourself?" and her usual respond would be "because im avoiding myself from disappointment" i did not get it at first. whats the relation between doing everything by yourself and the feeling of disappointment? but as im getting older, i have fully understood each and every word. disappointment simply means 'sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfillment of one's hope or expectations' hope? expectations? these two are strongly related when it comes to seeking for help from anyone especially our loved ones or the ones who are really close to us. although it might sound simple "can you help me....." deep down we have set certain expectations for them, we even hope those tasks could be done perfectly or at least... near perfect. and the thing t...
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Deep Grief, Great Love.

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"when there is deep grief.. there was great love.." i was watching a Thailand drama called 'Praomook' and there was one of the scenes when Mook (the heroine) had just lost her dad was talking to her mother and this scene had affected me emotionally. Mook is not in a good terms with her husband mainly because.... wait, i'm really bad in explaining hence i shall share the synopsis of the drama below, " As part of a superstitious marriage to ward of bad luck, teenagers Praomook and Chalantorn are temporary married to help Chalantorn's luck. Chalantorn has always thought of Praomook as an ugly duckling and a nuisance, while she has always been in love with him. Years later, they meet again by chance in South Korea, where Chalantorn gets shot. Believing that the misfortune is back again, his parents ask Praomook to marry him to dispel it. In exchange, they offer to buy back her father's house, which they lost due to his debt and was a burden on her. Praom...
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Oyen.

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Loving is hard. I have mentioned it in my previous post (entitled So Long) that love brings pain but the pain is worth it when we love the one who deserves our everything. Yesterday I was shocked when my dad broke the news to me in regards to my very first Oyen, one of my earliest pet cats. "i didnt see Oyen for so long. do you know where did he go?" my dad: Oyen passed away... I know it was hard for ayah to break the news to me because Oyen was literally one of my favourite pet cats. he was with me since the end of 2018 till now. he was there with me through all of my ups and downs. he was there to listen to all of my stories before the existence of my other pet cats. he was there for me to hug and kiss, he was there for me to bully for no reason and never once he would scratch nor be mad at me. he would let me do whatever i wanted to do and his usual respond would always be "meowww" Oyen is the most handsome pet cat of mine. when mommy was around, i remember i tol...
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So Long.

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 if this post has been published, it means, i'm saying good bye to my feelings for real. it all started with a short message as a respond to one of my whatsapp stories. it was written.. "Pau" so the 19 years old me was feeling curious as we were not close nor we had ever talked to each other regarding any non important matters before this hence to receive such message from him was.... bizzare. Pau is a type of food which is in round shape and usually in white colour. the reason why he sent such word was because he was relating it to the old chubby little me. i remember i talked about this matter to my roommate with an irritating voice as the mindset which i wanted her and the people around me to have about me when it comes to this matter would be "she hates him because he's arrogant" indeed he was (actually) due to one incident which involves him and a close friend of mine. little did they know, i had feeling for him during our first meeting which took place...
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23.

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23 is the toughest age. for now.... i mean... when i thought there will be countless of rainbows after continuous storms in 2020, i ended up receiving more thunderstorms and experienced the worst in my whole life. 2021 started beautifully with my parents by my side, we celebrated new year by having a dinner at a Thailand Restaurant. i was, literally the happiest kid alive. i had my parents by my side, oh and not to forget, i was not single too. Life was good, i thought. everything went so smooth, seriously. alhamdulillah. Things started to change slowly when i had lost my dear friend, Ereyien on 17th February 2021. I cried badly as it was my very first experience of losing one of my close friends. Then.. in less than 2 weeks which is on 1st March 2021, i broke up with my special friend. next, when the new semester (my final semester for my degree life) started, it was one hell of journey as nothing was going as planned specifically for my final year project. the experiments which i con...
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